THE OPPOSITE OF FEMININITY
Maybe what is detrimental to the patriarchy is not masculinity, but the tendency to discriminate and disregard femininity just to appear more masculine and reap the benefits of a strong masculine appearance. If leadership, strength and assertiveness are masculine traits, leadership without compassion is a dictatorship, strength without accepting your vulnerabilities to work on is a facade and assertiveness without cooperativeness and humility is just blind dominance. With this said, feminine traits are just as important to masculinity as masculine traits are to femininity.
In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir talks about women being perceived as the “Other”, with men seeing themselves as normal, and women as inferior. A modern-day example of this are phrases we use such as “you hit like a girl” or using the words “pussy” or “girly” to describe someone weak. 21-year-old Justin observes this inequality, “I think that it should be equal nowadays,” “since when did the standard drop to woman depending on guys?” “it's not like masculinity has a dominance above femininity, it should be more equal. The reason why society views men in skirts as weak is because they see masculinity as something that is on top of femininity.” He expresses this stance through the skirts that he wears occasionally as his daily wear as a statement showing that a person can associate themselves with femininity and still be just as capable as any other human being
The interviewees seem to understand this concept. “I think that being strong in your emotional state could also be considered masculinity. I don't think that it should just be purely physical or purely about sex,” says 21-year-old David. “Sometimes acceptance of your feelings, there’s really great strength in that and I think a lot of people overlook that,” says Shanjif, 27. This is a part of masculinity males often ignore because being emotional and vulnerable is seen as weakness. People often think that these traits mean crying at every downfall and giving up easily when what it really means is accepting an outlet of expression and being humble and brave enough to ask for help when needed. Kirshann comments that “(being vulnerable is) very admirable because it took me so long to be able to be vulnerable because I always portrayed a strong front.”
“Sometimes acceptance of your feelings, there’s really great strength in that and I think a lot of people overlook that.”
-Shanjif, 27
The discrimination of femininity also passes on to other characteristics that include or are associated with femininity such as male homosexuality. In Inclusive Masculinity, Eric Anderson found from male athletes he interviewed, very few claimed to be homophobic, yet they assumed their teammates were in order to maintain their hetero-masculine status among their teammates. These men argued that they were designed to say “I am not gay”. He concluded that “Men, it seemed, were more interested in keeping up masculine appearances, than standing up for what they believed.” This finding is reminiscent of males saying “no homo” after complimenting another male, which raises the same statement of not being homophobic but overly-reiterating their heterosexual preference.
Our dehumanisation of individuals who do not fit into the masculine standards of the patriarchy also creates a barrier for said individuals to truly express themselves. 21-year-old Zaq mentions having to put up a masculine side of himself for their parents, while only allowing themself to express their feminine side only when with friends. Kirshann mentions changing the way he behaves and talks in order to be more straight passing so as not to be hate-crimed or discriminated against. Both individuals inhibit their self-expressions just because they have a more outward feminine expression.
If the interviewees understand the importance of both femininity and masculinity, why are our queer friends still oppressed? If we understand binary gender expressions are so interchangeable and both are important to have, perhaps there is no need for there to even have a masculine or feminine categorisation.
“I think that being strong in your emotional state could also be considered masculinity. I don't think that it should just be purely physical or purely about sex.”
-David, 21
